“He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.”—Unknown (via stevenbong)
I am broken. Yet grateful enough that I am. I was broken twice or should I say thrice? Oh no - more than that. And know what’s funny? It all happened because of one person only.. But it’s alright, because now I can laugh while saying these.
T’was more than a year ago. Looking back at those times, I realized that I am so stupid and blindly inlove with the wrong Mr.Right . I thought he’s the one yet it was a total bluff. It’s like I wanna regret all those things about us. Why? Because I have experienced being hurt physically. But that’s not all. Actually I can endure the pain but what I cannot take is letting myself be embarassed by him in front of our friends in the sidewalk road. Fark! Too much right? And I am still not mentioning the ‘other woman issue’ here and I’m not going to detail it anymore. Psh. I wanna bring back the time and not let those things happen. But who I am to do that? I admit, I have LOVED him, take note, it is in past tense term. I am the one who chose that, so I must take the consequences. Oh yeah, let us let that pass. What important is now, I am single and totally free with a wide smile on my face.
When my status changed it was so amusing. Like there are things happened that I have never imagined before. Like my boy friend told me exhilaratingly this line,
“At last Xeila! You are single! I can now court you!”
It is both shocking and surprising. And he’s not the only one who confessed that they have crushes on me. Shyly, I am admitting it was a solacement. But since I am still moving on, I didn’t entertain any suitors.
By the way, I have said a lot yet I haven’t tell my name. I am Xeila. Xeila Angeles. I.am very proud of my name. It’s kinda unique isn’t it?
So there I go, my life goes on. Until one day, my BFF namely, Ianne asked me to tag her along in her friend’s crib to make her project. She said her groupmates are all boys so I accompany her.
The day’s over and we got home from her friend’s house and since I got tired, I slept. When i woke up the next day, i got a text message from an unknown number saying “hello XeiXei”. I replied, “who’s
this? and i got an answer “this is Rick, Ianne’ s friend.” So I asked my BFF why did she gave my number to that Rick. And then my bestfriend told me that Rick keeps on bugging her to get my number. She said that Rick was staring at me the whole time when we was in his friend’s crib. But then I can’t remember his face. Y’know, I’m kinda snob. So few days passed, we met and of course with my BFF, he treat us lunch in Mcdo and I gotta say he’s cute.
Rick and I got close as months passed by to the point that he always treat me dinner and send me home after my class. And there’s one thing that he did that I will never forget. One night, I was so depressed because of school and family problems that I cried the whole night. It was 1am in the midnight when I saw my phone blinking and on screen “Rick Calling..”. I answered the phone.
“Hello. Why did you call?”
“I can’t sleep. I was staring at the moon all this time”
“Why does it look wonderful tonight?”
“Yes it is. Can’t you see it? Why don’t you go outside and see it?”
Since I love seeing the night sky and I want to be relaxed, I went outside. And yes, the sky’s so beautiful.
“Now you see it?” he asked
“Yes. It is beautiful”
“Walk in the middle of the road”
“Why should I do that?”
I do as I am told. And then I hear him singing on the phone but it seems like I am hearing him “live”.
“You’re stressed right? Look at your left side”
And surprised, I saw him walking with one big paper bag of blue magic on his right hand and his phone on the other hand.
“I told you, I wanna make you happy the way I can”.
Hormones rushing. I just can’t believe there’s a guy who could do this. And he’s not even my boyfriend. And many says.he’s a playboy. Is he really that serious at me that’s why he’s doing these stuff? Geeez. I can’t contain the ideas and just stare with the turtle that he gave me..That moment was euphoric. Really.
Months passed again and we keep on that state, more than friendship, less than relationship. But one day, he told me that he’s leaving. After that he popped and disappear in my life like a bubble. I thought it is going to hurt. But I didn’t cry. Even a single tear doesn’t fall from my eyes. Maybe it was just an adulation I enjoyed his accompany. Just that. But I didn’t fell in love.
But here’s this guy. He brought up a different story in my life. We are acquaintance, I suppose, when we are still in high school. His name is Eleio Lunar. After a long time, I saw him again personally in my friend’s birthday party. I greet him and said “Hi Eleio” but it seems he didn’t hear me. Or maybe he’s snob.
I got interested on him because he looks so serious and mysterious at the same.time. And he has farking attractive dimples. My inner goddess wants to know him deeply.
But since his snob, i mispay attention to it. Until I saw him again in my friend’s house. It’s fiesta in our town, maybe that’s the reason why he’s there again. I greet him again and smile, and at last! He greeted back. He apologized also for the circumstances last time. And there we’re okay. He bonded with me and my friends outside the house even though he has his own set of friends inside. An unusual thing I think. From there we got close.
He get my number to my friend and then we always text each other as well as chat. It’s funny because we stay up all night until midnight talking about all the things under the sun. Sometimes, we do meet because coincidentally, he’s also a friend and schoolmate of Ianne.
As what I’ve thought, he’s a serious type of person and really kinda mysterious one. And it makes me crave for more infos about him. I never felt like this before. I think I like him. More than I like Rick coz with Rick,I am full of doubts but with him, his real. Authentic. Furthermore, I like conversing with him. I feel elation whenever we talk, maybe because we have the same interests? Deep inside of my heart, I know it’s not just that. There’s something special about him and I don’t know what’s that.
Days passed by, and we go on like this. One time, he invited me at their house to watch my favorite anime ‘One Piece’. So I did accept the invitation. While watching, he held my hand and I can see in my peripheral view that he is staring at me. Since it’s uncomfortable to watch while there’s someone gawking at you, I asked,
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
He didn’t answer and before I know it, his face is 5cm away from my face where I can feel his breathing. It was an awkward position and I don’t know what to do and then *poof*! His lips landed on mine. Feeling my lips, saying something through it. And I don’t.understand what.
At the back of my mind, I told myself “What the heck, he’s kissing me!”.
I did not respond on his kiss yet i did not resist too. After that moment, an awkward silence follows.
“Why did you just do that?”
“Because I love you Xeila, and why didn’t you resist?”
I paused for awhile. Took a deep breath. Here we go. I’m taking risks. This time I know that I am already healed by this guy who gave me unexplainable feelings since the first day. Things came abruptly as well as he, but saying this will be worth it, for sure.
And he’s gone for awhile.
I know it’s for his own sake and for Him.
I understand why.
But why can’t I stop myself from
That Jerk. I hope he’s fine and doing well there.
Be a better man after you get out fron there.
Soon baby. :)